Tomorrow and yesterday

Fall Semester. Another semester, another set of impressionable students. My students are a mixed lot- British, French, Indians, Lebanese, Locals, Chinese, Filipinos, Russians, Turkmen, Americans, Blacks, Canadians, Greeks, etc. Young, vibrant, ambitious with the air of self-branding concomitant with their obsession to succeed and have plenty of resources. Money matters and branding exists for its sake, and vice-versa. 

Why do I feel unnaturally distant from tomorrow’s unfolding? Firstly because I miss my country and secondly because I miss one person I left in that country.

But life is beautiful. Whatever I miss, I certainly do miss. Yet I know that I should be grateful because once they entered my life, were part of who I am. They came and made my life richer, more joyful and colorful, more inspiring. These are enough reasons to be grateful. Separation is never losing what was once mine, or once loaned to me, it is thanking for being with me, once, and making me happy, twice, with the memory.

I love you.

I’ve always thought this song mirrors how I view the very existence of love. Right after is the translation.

Hymne à L’Amour

 

Le ciel bleu sur nous peut s’effondrer 
Et la terre peut bien s’écrouler 
Peu m’importe si tu m’aimes 
Je me fous du monde entier 
Tant qu’l'amour inond’ra mes matins 
Tant que mon corps frémira sous tes mains 
Peu m’importe les problèmes 
Mon amour puisque tu m’aimesJ’irais jusqu’au bout du monde 
Je me ferais teindre en blonde 
Si tu me le demandais 
J’irais décrocher la lune 
J’irais voler la fortune 
Si tu me le demandais 
Je renierais ma patrie 
Je renierais mes amis 
Si tu me le demandais 
On peut bien rire de moi 
Je ferais n’importe quoi 
Si tu me le demandais  

Si un jour la vie t’arrache à moi 
Si tu meurs que tu sois loin de moi 
Peu m’importe si tu m’aimes 
Car moi je mourrais aussi 
Nous aurons pour nous l’éternité 
Dans le bleu de toute l’immensité 
Dans le ciel plus de problèmes 
Mon amour crois-tu qu’on s’aime 
Dieu réunit ceux qui s’aiment

_________

The blue sky can tumble down upon us
And the earth can also collapse
It doesn’t matter, if you love me
I don’t care about the entire world 
As long as love floods my mornings
As long as my body trembles beneath your hand
These problems don’t matter
My love, since you love meI would go to the end of the earth
I would dye my hair blonde
I would go take down the moon
I would go steal a fortune
If you asked it of me
I would disown my country
I would disown my friends
If you asked it of me
People can have a good laugh at me
I would do anything
If you asked it of me

If one day life tears you from me
If you die that you be far from me
It doesn’t matter, if you love me
Because, me, I will die also
We will have eternity for ourselves
In the great blue immensity
In the sky, no more problems
My love, do you believe we love each other
God reunites those who love each other

 

To begin again

Been slacking off for quite some time. lazy? perhaps. uninspired? probably. but i’ll try to be better these coming days. Ice cream solves.

Being happy.

I feel that this is not the best time to say THANK YOU.But I am forcing myself.Life is basically a habit. We become what we think. We become what we ALWAYS do. Time comes. It goes. Permanence is an illusion. I loved once, got broken. I loved  again. got separated. Loved. Gone.Problems come. They go. Answers to questions. Answers themselves becoming questions.Aristotle mentioned that what we want in life is basically HAPPINESS. It is the only thing we want without qualification. Others we want because of something. We study because we want to have good grades. We want to have good grades because we want to pass. We want to pass because we want to graduate. We want to graduate because we want to have a good job. We want to have a good job because we want to support ourselves well and eventually support a family. We want to support our family because we want to live securely and happily…ad infinitum.All we do, we do for a reason. Except happiness. We want happiness for happiness’ sake.But how do we achieve happiness? 

Running Away.

From what? I asked myself. 

 

Running away from you was deemed impractical, stupid even. I thought of it as commitment, necessary even. I love you so much I had to be away from you to be with you. Two years ago I decided to leave you to proverbially find myself and support you, provide you with what you want, with what you aspire, with what you even just dream of. 

 

You are young, so good looking that people of different sexes and preferences swoon and are won over by your looks. When God showered His abundant blessings in a sweltering afternoon, you were out there provided with a downpour of blessings – looks, intelligence, with great physical abundance, tact for argumentation, skillful ear for music, a nuanced flair for drawing and design, and a retentive memory many could only wish for. With one limitation to our disadvantage- an apparent mistrust for others. 

 

I saw you first when you were having fun with your friends in our place. It was an instant attraction, your toothy smile against my side glances, your warm uncanny eyes against the vertiginous dance of my heart. It was as if FATE threw the proverbial caution to the wind, and my heart skipped. And skipped some more. And skipped deliriously.

 

I saw you for the second time when I was at the coffee shop. I saw you again for the third time at the same coffee shop. Months after, you told me it was intentional, and I swear I saw the heavens opened, as if the Gods of the universe were finally bestowing the happiness I so long wanted that I know I so deserved.

 

I didn’t see you for the fourth time, no, because best of all we were together. We exchanged information as if it was necessary for whatever purpose it was serving, other than love. We were supplying the pieces of our puzzle, laying one by one on the table with uncontrollable yet perfect cadence that shattered my determined impression about the non-existence of the perfection of love. We were steering in, flipping out, understanding the lines and curves of each piece, trying to fit each one to see the larger picture, to see how our past would fit in to finally commence the unwielding present that the Gods designed it to be. I was so uneasy and agitated yet overflowing with gratitude amidst the cheesy lines flowing shamelessly awkward from my quivering mouth. It was bliss. It was ecstasy. It was pure, unadulterated happiness.   

 

You were 18. I was 36.  

 

I thought the gap would be overpowered by the intensity of my feelings. I thought that such May-December affair happens only in the movies and the real life was never a true inspiration. I thought that my sweet experiences in my past loves would go on to strengthen some more what is truly special. I thought that these great loves in my past  would now have their glorious culmination, a build up that cannot and will not afford even the tiniest spec or the slightest crack. 

 

Then the Gods decided that it was time to withdraw their gift of happiness. 

 

You brought out the worse in me. I never swore, never asked anything back, never threatened to ruin somebody else’s life but my bitterness and inability to see things in their encompassing perspective made me the monster I never thought I would become. I asked for the things I’ve given as gifts to be returned back while threatening to malign you in public…all because I wanted you to stay and be with me. In my panic, I failed to realize that the unforgivable and mindless seeking was headed not for healing but for utter destruction.  I was so heartbroken- staring emptily beyond recognizable faces, walking the longest yards in what seemed like infinity with the uncontainable hurt in my heart like needles tumultuously pricking the very core of its being. 

 

And yet I knew we were no different. Intelligent we both are, and proud and persistent, we would argue with heightened anger and intensity that our voices would croak in exhaustion. We exchanged double-edged words about anything under, within, and beyond the unknown universe. From the very simple where to eat and how to get there to what time are we supposed to meet and even which way to go, left or right. We were both proud and arrogant. I couldn’t bear the pain because I knew I was the older one and I was supposed to be more understanding, more caring, and more patient. But I could only bear so much and repeatedly watching the same event unfold over and over again was mentally tiring. What made it more traumatic was seeing you hurt, and confused, and more distrusting. It broke my heart to see you in such a state knowing that perhaps aside from your mother, It’s me who loves you the most and will never, ever, allow anyone to hurt you in ways no human being is ever capable of. The way we mindlessly changed our minds was legendary. We would  go rounds and rounds from one u-turn to another, going on the same spot over and over again for hours, undecided, broken, disoriented as hell, knowing not what to do or where really now to go. 

 

Saying sorry was a major issue. For many, apologizing ends all arguments. “I am sorry” means things will be alright, let’s start again, all is forgiven, don’t think anymore about what happened, I made a mistake and I realized it, you are more important than your mistake, let your heart be at rest, let’s move on,  ad infinitum. But for you and me, saying sorry is like accepting defeat. When you apologize and I accept it, without a moment’s notice you would be so distrustful and mumble words of dismay that I have manipulated you into saying I am sorry. More often, When I say sorry for a mistake I made, you wouldn’t accept it, and when I get so angry because you wouldn’t accept it, you say sorry and I in return wouldn’t accept it, then you would get so angry because I am not accepting it then I’d say sorry for not accepting it and then you wouldn’t accept it and the whole thing just blows out of proportion. It was pride-driven. Mad. Pointless. 

The day after would always be a heartfelt promise and determined resolution not to give in to pride and anger. Ever. I would say over and over again that when I love, I should prioritize you more than myself, that I should look beyond your limitations and shortcomings.   

Architectural Wonders. Mega projects. Only in Dubai.

I’ve been in Dubai long enough to realize that this Emirate is structurally crazy. Architectural and Engineering landscapes are challenged to their biting limits. My understanding of how things come to be in Physics is akin to that of a 4-year old asking his dad to build his figment of imagination, to which Dad replies, “Sure, no problem!”           

 ________________________________

 

 Burj DubaiSkidmore, Owings, & Merrill

The Burj Dubai will be the world’s tallest building when it opens in 2009. Its shape is inspired by the indigenous desert flowers that often appear as decorative patterns in Islamic architecture, but it also has an engineering purpose: The swirl shape ensures that the mass of the structure lessens as it reaches the top, making the structure steadier. A mixed-use building developed by Dubai’s Emaar Properties, the Burj Dubai will house shops, offices, residences, and entertainment venues.

 

 

Hydropolis

Joachim Hauser

This hotel, the world’s first underwater luxury resort, brings new meaning to the “ocean-view room.” Situated 66 feet below the surface of the Persian Gulf, Hydropolis will feature 220 guest suites. Reinforced by concrete and steel, its Plexiglas walls and bubble-shaped dome ceilings offer sights of fish and other sea creatures. It’s scheduled to open in late 2007.

  

 

The Palm Islands

Al Nakheel Properties

The three artificial islands that make up the Palm (comprising the Palm Jumeirah, the Palm Jebel Ali, and the Palm Deira) are the world’s biggest man-made islands. Each was built from a staggering 1 billion cubic meters of dredged sand and stone, taken from Dubai’s sea bed and configured into individual islands and surrounding breakwaters. The complex will house a variety of tourist attractions, ranging from spas and diving sites to apartments and theaters. The entire complex is designed to collectively resemble a date palm tree when seen from the sky.

 

 

 

 The World

Al Nakheel Properties

Ever wish the world was smaller? This group of more than 250 man-made islands was designed to resemble the entire world when seen from the air. The islands, which range from 250,000 to 900,000 square feet, can be bought by individual developers or private owners — starting at $6.85 million.

he only way to get between each island is by boat…or yacht, given the clientele. A notable engineering feat: The project incorporates two protective breakwaters to protect the islands from waves, consisting of one submerged reef (the outer breakwater) and an above-water structure (the inner breakwater).

 

 Sports City

Dubailand LLC

A standout section of the sprawling, 3-billion-square-foot theme-park-like development known as Dubailand, Sports City will offer visitors a staggering variety of athletic venues, from elegant, gigantic stadia to state-of-the-art participatory parks for skateboarding, indoor rock climbing, and other activities. Not to mention facilities for polo, car racing, golf, and extreme sports. The stadia are designed by German architects von Gerkan, Marg & Partners, the firm behind the graceful 2004 update of Berlin’s 1936 Olympic stadium.

 

 

 

 

 Eco-Tourism World

Dubailand LLC

Another sub-world of Dubailand, Eco-Tourism World promises to offer a variety of nature-themed attractions. These include a petting zoo, gardens, a desert safari, camping facilities, horse-riding center, and, as seen here in model form, biospheres in which various flora and fauna unused to an intense desert climate will thrive in controlled habitats.

 

 

 One Central Park

Norman Foster and Partners

Adding to the superlatives rising on the Dubai skyline is One Central Park, a mixed-use building that will feature the world’s highest apartment. A sense of loftiness is communicated in the building’s design, which places the residential section of the structure above buttressed “fins” that separate the public spaces from the private ones.he building is also eco-friendly, as it’s oriented to reduce solar gain. Taking into consideration the fact that skyscrapers tend to be inefficient in terms of energy consumption, Foster & Partners gave the building a central core that absorbs heat and a sunshade system, to reduce cooling costs. Dealing with temperature is a key design challenge within a hot desert environment.

 

 

 Ski Dubai

F + A Architects

When one thinks of a vacation in Dubai, the first images that might to come to mind are sun and sand. Now add snow. Two feet of snow, topped with a daily layer of fresh powder, to be exact — thanks to the system of 23 blast coolers and snow guns inside Ski Dubai. It might be 135 degrees Fahrenheit outdoors, but inside the 32,290 square-foot, $275 million structure, visitors ski and snowboard. The heavily insulated facility also includes the world’s largest indoor snow park, offering 9,842 square feet for sledding or bobsledding.

 

 

 Dubai Mall

DP Architects

Thirty-five million people are expected to visit the Dubai Mall, developed by Emaar Properties, during 2006, its inaugural year. There’s plenty to do, since, at more than 5 million square feet, it’s the biggest mall in the world. It will house 15 sub-malls, a skating rink, an aquarium, and the planet’s biggest gold souk (market).

 

 

 

 

UAE Spaceport

Space Adventures

With an estimated price tag of at least $265 million, the world’s first spaceport is strategically located to serve both residents and visitors to Dubai. The UAE spaceport actually falls inside the border of a nearby emirate, Ras Al-Khaimah, but it’s a quick drive from Dubai, and the developer, America’s Space Adventures, is clearly targeting Dubai tourists and residents.hile there’s no official opening date or final design set, early renderings indicate that the spaceport will feature a triangular runway/launchpad and domed passenger terminals.

Jiro. Revisited.

to jiro, here’s my version of the truth…

…truth is, forgiving is not necessarily forgetting. especially love. true love. how can you forget something sublime, and tender, and what is inexplicably pure bliss?  once you’ve tasted manna from heaven, you will never be contented with bread from the baker. you will not be able to forget true, unadulterated love, so too, the hurt that goes with it. and no matter how many loves come around, each one will leave vestiges of its uniqueness. …

truth is, you were hurt. still are. quite understandably. probably the magnitude of her fault was such that it left quite an impression to a young jiro whose unknowing and trusting heart wasn’t ready to battle the complexities of love. time, they say, heals all wounds. sadly, not yours. it did not. …

truth is, not forgetting does not mean not forgiving. but forgiving does mean understanding. the reason why there was, still is, no understanding precisely because there was no closure, and the reason why there was no closure because you refuse to have one. i am not saying that it is your fault, clearly not. but at this time, it is of no relevant value to heretofore point who is at fault or to say what you should have done. my concern primarily is for you to realize that healing is not just saying “i forgive you,” and then it’s the end of it. it is talking, listening, putting the pieces together…understanding that every person is greater than the fault, and that every human relationship should have a room for human error. plenty of it. Even if the hurt is too deep, the anger too strong, the bitterness so intense, an understanding of human weakness will extinguish the flame, and you can move on with your life thankful of the person and the experience. and when you look back, you look back with no regrets.…

truth is, you should talk about it for the last time, about your hurts and, let me say this, your not being able to listen. Listen not because you will accept, but because you will understand. then close it. move on. and when you see each other again, the burden is lighter, and the sun, gentler. 

you owe me a starbucks for this.  

by the way, this is not my version of truth. this is universal truth. love is universal. you may have a different impression, others may define it on their own experiential ways, i may not believe in it (hehehe), but it is love, (un)sweet(ened) love.

you still owe me a starbucks for this.

Educating A Prince (1).

 

The Univeristy President’s voice jarred me awake. 

“Give individual conferences to the son of the ruler of ******.”

 

“A prince?” That was all I could muster. Though I welcomed the idea, I couldn’t obviously hide my apprehension.  And with valid reasons. With so much money, human nature has the tendency to be visibly blind to certain commonplace realities. With so much power, egos become bloated. And with seemingly limitless resources, comes an undeniable misantrophy of guilt-feeling.

 

And how do you educate a royalty? 

 

Do you cite geographical locations as your examples to a well-travelled young person who regularly goes to the white boondocks of Switzerland just to ski? Do you mention brands to a guy whose family owns a Versace Building among others? How do you explain power to a youngster whose limited-edition car has a plate number of 1? and whose other cars just have two-digit numbers? Do you say Prada, Vuitton, Gucci, Blahnik to someone who owns a establishment that houses them?  And when you say collection, would he understand it the way he understands his hobby of collecting cars and horses, in which one champion horse in the stable amounts to millions of dollars? 

 

I went home. Slept. Woke up at 8:00 the following morning. Taught philosophy for an hour and a half then stayed in the office. 

 

He came.

 

Riotously, I got riveted by my exaggerated imagination. There was nothing spectacular in his entrance. It was neither grand nor ostentatious. There were no thunderstrikes and clanging of cymbals. 

 

Infront of me was a simple guy. 

 

Deep, piercing eyes.

Tall, with an erectness of bearing.

Wavy hair. 

White shirt. Knee-length shorts. Sneakers.

Confident.

 

No watch. 

No rings. 

No gold. 

No air of despondency and arrogance.

 

He Bowed. Spoke. Introduced himself. 

 

“I am ****. I am very sorry for bothering but the President of the college asked me to see you for my individual conferences for 2 semesters with you. Would that be okay? I can always come at the pre-aaranged time.”

 

I looked. There really was none of the arrogance so permeating many pseudo-moneyed class. All I see is one kind young person, eager to please and shy to a permissible extent. “No worries.” I colloquially mumbled.

 

“Would it also be possible, Mr. Rex, If we have our sessions outside of the school?” He asked once again. 

 

“Only if the President would allow.” I retorted.  

 

“I already asked him Mr. Rex, and he said yes.” He answered back triumphantly. 

 

I was mortified. Not because I didn’t want to but because my perceived balance would be upset. I am a person who thrives on successions, consistencies, and normalcy. Though I like surprises, they certanly are capable of shaking foundations. But I nonetheless welcome his proposal, since new experiences would mean richer grounds. Let this ‘upset of balance’ be part of my balance.

 

He asked me about the lesson of the day. I looked at him straight in the eyes and said, “PLATO’S PHILOSOPHER-KING.”

 

 

Left.

I left the country.

Not because I was seeking for greener pasture, but to look for freedom and deeper self-reliance. Independence haunted me like a vulture preying for dying victims.I was dying. I needed independence like heaven needed hell to be recognized and validated. I ushered in the vociferous vulture. 

DUBAI airport welcomed me.